4 Urban Myths About Non-Monogamous Couples

Whenever you notice the language ”
honest non-monogamy
,” what exactly do you image? Monogamish partners exactly who occasionally have actually a guest celebrity for the room? Open, sprawling poly systems of people that lives by yourself and time casually? Three to four adults and a bunch of young ones, all living collectively? Any of these would in fact end up being reasonable, as the big broad world of moral non-monogamy encompasses
lots of relationship types
and options. These connection designs often just a few situations in common, nevertheless they’re essential parallels: they may be sincere, they involve more than simply two different people, and they are commonly misunderstood and conflated.

In my own time as a non-monogamous individual, I’ve dipped my toe into a number of the ethically non-mono swimming pools. I have been monogamish, thought about me my major companion (solamente poly), and even used hierarchical poly — such as a very unfortunate but luckily short amount of
unicorn shopping
. While
each construction has actually it is own certain urban myths
that surround it
(in fact it is unpleasant since there’s a lot of
more fascinating items to discuss
), any hint of ethical non-monogamy is sold with some elementary myths that are wanting quashing. Listed here are four myths that ethically non-monogamous lovers frequently experience. But initial, take a look at the latest bout of Bustle’s gender and affairs podcast, I Want It like that:

Myth no. 1: We Are Cheating On Our Very Own Lovers

The most obvious myth encompassing morally non-monogamous partners usually one or each of all of them is “dirty,” especially if some body views somebody other than the companion they ordinarily see you with. However, in the event both partners are present, mono folk frequently equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating, nevertheless “ethical” part is vital right here. Cheating has been sexually unfaithful — sex with someone other than an individual’s companion in
infraction of a boundary or agreement
. If agreement

includes

sexual intercourse along with other associates, then it’s simply not dirty — duration.

Myth no. 2: We Are All Swingers

First of all typically one thinks of an individual discovers a few they know isn’t monogamous is actually: swingers. Although some people like that design of ethical non-monogamy (statistics are difficult to locate, but I really don’t truly know any swinger personals), numerous people locally have other frameworks which they choose, especially because many are far more limited in their
readiness to possess sex outside emotional connection
.

Myth no. 3: We Are Doing It Because We’re Gay/Bi

Per some people, non-monogamy is the purview for the gays. Or at least, one or each of us must certanly be bi and “need” “both” men and women, right? Not quite. Lots of direct folk are into honest non-monogamy (and a lot of homosexual people are into monogamy), as well as for all those folks who happen to be queer? It is not generally

the reason why

we’re ethically non-monogamous. In addition, as a side notice: there are more than two genders.

Myth number 4: We Are At A Greater Threat For Getting An STI/STD

The reasoning here kind of follows
, we’ll confess that. Nevertheless the statistics just don’t concur:
based on one previous learn
, folks in monogamous commitment happened to be quite as likely to get an STI as morally non-mono people. Which tends to make a lot of sense, truly: if you should be hiding additional fans despite being basically monogamous, you’re less likely to make use of a condom of anxiety about a condom or wrapper becoming found by your companion. In my experience, mono people have a tendency to additionally mention safe intercourse and sexual history much less.
Ethically non-mono folk
, however, have actually considerable conversations about intimate history, existing sexual partners and protection practices, and STI testing and standing — leading to individuals being able to create well informed decisions about what threats they just take, which will keep the possibility of STI transmission less than you normally might expect.

Photos: praetorianphoto/E+/Getty Pictures;


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